First Conservative Blog

News Flash! – Earth’s Temperature Directly Influenced by the Sun!

Leading Environmental activists as well as the Federal EPA this morning reversed course on global warming policy, to encourage the Chinese and other major world polluters to step up their emission of greenhouse gasses.  “This is a direct response to global cooling that results from reduced sun spot activity” said EPA Administrator Lisa P. Jackson.    “Researchers this week announced the surprising discovery of a direct relationship between the amount of energy produced at the surface of the sun and the mean daily temperature here on earth,” continued Jackson,   “the more sun spots, the warmer our planet becomes and vice versa.”  

The lack of sunspot activity this year has apparently caused the earth’s surface temperature to cool, threatening agricultural produce levels in northern nations such as Canada and Russia.  “Another drop of a degree or two in average temperatures in Canada could spell the end of Canadian wheat production – leaving Canadians with nothing to eat but fish, lobster and steak,” said Jackson.  “Russians would be compelled to import their food from Iran and no one wants that.”  Accordingly, the EPA will recommend that coal power plant construction in the United States be accelerated to keep word temperatures elevated and to keep citizens from freezing and starving.   

“The sun and the earth have a special relationship and a responsibility to one another,” said Jackson, who also indicated that she would be taking the matter up with President Obama at her usual Monday afternoon meeting.   “When the sun fails to meet its obligation to properly warm the earth, we have a right to seek redress at the United Nations,” said Jackson, adding that the President has been advised of the situation and is planning a major speech to Congress on the importance of maintaining good interstellar relations. 

This is a real study!  (see it here).  The surprising part of this announcement was not the discovery of the relationship between the sun and temperatures on earth, but that the EPA seemed to be previously unaware of it.